How Much Do You Love Yourself?
I
believe that you must really love
yourself to change.
If
you want to win over temptation, you have to
heal your relationship with yourself. Jesus
said, “a kingdom divided unto itself cannot stand.” In other
words, can a country win a war if it’s divided within? Of
course not.
In
order to fight the bad outside you, you’ve got to friend with the
good in you. You have to celebrate your goodness.
Last
week, I gave you the first reason why loving yourself is necessary
for overcoming temptation. Sin is a counterfeit of love. (The
pleasure of sin is the pirated version of the pleasure of being
loved.) By having the real thing and satisfying your deepest
need for love, sinful desires lose their urgency.
But
there’s a second reason why loving yourself is crucial to fighting
temptation: You don’t have enough “why” to fight.
Establish
Your Why
The
Bible says, In your
struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point
of shedding your blood. (Hebrews
12:4)
Are
you willing to die in your fight against temptation?
Many
people aren’t willing to fight to the death. There’s not
enough fight in us. That’s why we lose.
Why?
Because
we don’t have a reason to fight.
There’s
no fuel. There’s no fire. There’s no fight!
If
you don’t love yourself, you won’t fight. If
you don’t love your freedom, you won’t fight. If you don’t
love your future, you won’t fight.
If
you study men who have gone in the battlefield and fought to the
death, you’ll realize that they have a burning “why” in their
soul.
Without
this “why”, you won’t bother going to battle.
You’re
in a battle too. There are temptations around you that want to
destroy your life. Your marriage. Your finances. Your
health. Your inner peace.
Will
you fight this temptation?
Here’s
the truth: You
will only fight temptation to the degree that you value yourself. If
you don’t value yourself, you won’t fight.
This
is why I said that the greatest weapon of the devil isn’t lust, or
greed, or pride, but self-rejection. This
is the Trojan Horse that opens the gate of our souls to temptation.
To
get rid of Self-Rejection, you need Self-Acceptance. To explain
this, let me tell you the love story of Brad and Angelina (Note: any
similarities to actual persons or events is purely coincidental).
How
Many Cows Are You Worth?
In
a small remote village many moons ago, there lived a people with a
peculiar custom. When a man wanted to marry a woman, he had to
give a dowry to the father of the bride. Now many cultures had
this custom. But what was peculiar was the fact that the dowry
had to be a cow.
You
see, cows were prized possession in this village. And according
to local custom, the man must give one to ten cows as dowry,
depending on how beautiful the girl was.
In
this village, there was a young man named Brad who fell in love with
a young maiden named Angelina. And he wanted to marry her. So
after many months of courtship, he finally arranged for a meeting
with her father.
He
Asked For Her Hand In Marriage
On
that fateful day, Brad was nervous but ready. With sweaty palms
and shaking knees, he knocked on the door of her home. And her
family was waiting inside. Actually, her entire clan was waiting
inside. All 67 people crammed up in this little house.
The
mother of Angelina opened the door and invited Brad to come in. As
was the custom, in the center of the room were two chairs prepared.
The father of Angelina was already seated in one of them. He
motioned to Brad to take the other seat.
Brad
cleared his throat and announced, “Sir, I’d like to ask for the
hand of your daughter Angelina in marriage.”
The
father nodded his head and said, “Yes, I give you my blessing.”
The
entire family applauded and cheered. And Angelina gave a shy
smile as her sisters gave her a squeeze.
The
young man then asked the next big question, “Sir, can we talk about
dowry…”
It
is here that I wish to give you a little background.
Angelina
was kind and loving and sweet and intelligent. But she wasn’t
physically beautiful. Her eyes were too large. Her mouth
was too wide. Her lips were too thick. (I repeat: Any
similarities to actual persons, events, or circumstances is purely
coincidental.)
Because
of this, the women of the clan—the grandmother, the mother, and all
the aunties—already agreed that Angelina was worth one cow. This
consensus was arrived by the women of the clan not on that day, not
even weeks or months before, but years ago—as Angelina was growing
up as a little girl among them.
So
back to the story. The father said, “All I ask is that you
give me one cow for my daughter.” Nods of agreement spread
across the room.
Brad
frowned. He couldn’t hide the dismay on his face. He
shook his head and with a firm voice said, “Sir, with due respect,
I shall not give you one cow for your daughter. She isn’t
worthy of one cow.”
There
was a collective loud gasp in the room. Angelina covered her
mouth. Everyone was in shock…
This
Guy Is Crazy
The
father stood up. With anger, the father said, “Young man, how
dare you insult my family! How dare you insult my daughter!”
Brad
momentarily looked at Angelina (who at that point was about to break
down in tears), smiled at her, and said, “Sir, for your lovely
daughter, I shall give you TEN cows.”
There
was another loud gasp in the room. All the relatives whispered
to each other, “This guy is crazy.”
The
father didn’t know what to say as well. For a moment, he
spoke gibberish. “I… I… uh, but… but… how should I
say this… young man, this is tradition. Aren’t you
paying too much?”
Brad
smiled, “Sir, Angelina isn’t only beautiful. She is the
definition of beauty. Angelina is worth more than the highest
price a man can ever pay.”
Brad
then stood up, knelt in front of Angelina, and sang, “Beautiful
girl, wherever you are…”
A
few days later, the ten cows were given. And the wedding took
place. And the happy couple walked to their new home.
And
as the years passed, something magical happened to Angelina. Her
physical appearance changed. Her face became more radiant. More
alluring. More lovely. Soon, she became the most beautiful
woman in the village.
Let
me tell you how this happened…
Women
Carry This Value In Their Minds Forever
Women
in that village—for the rest of their lives—would carry their
“dowry value” in their minds. They would see themselves
through that lens—even if they got married 20 or 30 years ago. And
they would also be seen by others through that lens.
The
village seamstress? She’s a three-cow wife.
The
store cashier? She’s a six-cow wife.
The
wife of the doctor? She’s a four-cow wife.
But
only Angelina was a ten-cow wife.
So
she smiled like a ten-cow wife. She talked like a ten-cow
wife. She dressed like a ten-cow wife. She took care of
herself as a ten-cow wife. And everyone in the village saw her
as a ten-cow wife!
Your
Behavior Flows From Your Belief
What’s
my point?
Your
behavior flows from your belief.
Because
Angelina believed she was a ten-cow wife, she acted like one. Soon,
her physical body transformed too.
A
lot of people try to change their lives by changing behavior.
Generally,
it doesn’t work. Because they think the battle is on the
outside. It’s not. Victory and Failure is an inside job.
Here’s
the truth: You don’t change your life by changing behavior. You
change your life by changing your beliefs. Once you change your
beliefs, you change your behavior. Because behavior flows from
beliefs.
But
where does belief come from?
Your
Belief Flows From Another Person’s Belief
Brad
believed in Angelina.
He
believed in her value. And
she caught this belief.
For
the longest time, she believed she was a one-cow woman. But
someone walked into her life who had a totally different belief. This
guy believed that she was a ten-cow wife.
Because
of this, she began to believe in her value too.
Because
Brad believed in her value, Angelina experienced a
transformation. New behavior flowed out of her new belief.
Belief
is like a virus. It’s not taught, it’s caught. No
amount of lectures or reading will make you believe in your own
value. There’s got to be the presence of another
person who
believes in your value—and he infects you with that belief.
Belief
comes from belief.
The
only way to believe in your own value is to witness someone else
believe in your own value.
This
is the role of every parent. To
announce to your child, “I believe in you so much.” Parents,
you need to say this by your actions, not just by your words. By
the amount of time you spend with your kids. By the way you look
at them, talk to them, and love them. Kids can see in your eyes
whether you believe in their value or not.
When
parents don’t do this, children grow up searching for someone to
believe in them. And this is where they fall to bad company…
We
need to be re-parented. In my vocabulary, this is
discipleship. (This is what we’re trying to do in my spiritual
community, Light
of Jesus Family.)
Someone
Does Believe In Your Value!
Brad
paid for Angelina with the highest price possible.
Friend,
you’re like Angelina—because God paid for you with the highest
price possible. He gave Himself on the cross.
God
values you so much.
Once
you “get it”, you don’t want to sin.
The
Bible said, Do
not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw pearls before swine,
lest they trample them under their feet… (Matthew
7:6)
Why
do we live with the swine? Why do we act like swine?
Because
we believe we’re swine.
Why
can’t we stop sinning? Because we believe that’s who we
are. But if you believe that you’re a child of God, you won’t
stay with the swine.
How
I Got Healed
I’d
like to pray with you today.
I
believe miracles happen when someone loves you—and you receive that
love.
I
believe this because it happened to me. For many years, I hated
myself. I just didn’t see myself as a one-cow person. I
saw myself as a one-worm person. A one-bacteria person!
I
was ashamed of myself. I was ashamed that I even existed.
This
belief came from a trauma that happened to me as a child—when I was
molested. And it worsened when I wallowed in my addictions. But
every time I fell in my addictions, and I hated myself even more, God
came and wrapped His arms around me.
God
kept whispering to my ear, “I love you. I accept you. I
enjoy you. I celebrate you.” The Bible verse that echoed
in my heart was, Therefore
there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ
Jesus… (Romans
8:1)
God
is like my second religion teacher. When I failed, He’d come
up to me with a big smile on his face and say, “I believe in
you. You can do better. Take the exam again.” God is
the God of the second chance. And the third chance. And the
fourth chance…
Condemned
people act in a condemned way.
But
forgiven people act in a forgiven way.
Slowly,
I saw myself differently. I saw myself the way God saw me. And
I changed.
Allow
God to love you today.
May
your dreams come true,
-Bo
Sanchez
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